A Devotion for Listening Well

For the past few days, I have been at a conference with other pastors from the Florida United Methodist Conference who are in the ordination process. We spent 3 days listening and learning from some amazing speakers and leaders on the theme of Leadership. One of our speakers led us through a session on “Fierce Conversations,” centered on having authentic, meaningful conversations and communication in every aspect of our lives.

One of the lightbulb moments for me, and the takeaway from the session was the phrase:

“The conversation is the relationship.”

This wonderful quote belongs to Susan Scott, the author of the best-selling book Fierce Conversations. Her point is: If the conversation stops, all the possibilities for the relationship become lesser and all the possibilities for the individuals in the relationship become smaller. If we compromise at work or at home and lower the standards about how often we talk, what we talk about, and, most important, what degree of authenticity we bring to our conversations – it’s a slow and deadly slide.

Ernest Hemingway stated this so powerfully in his book The Sun Also Rises. When one character asks another: “How did you go bankrupt?

The answer: “Gradually, then suddenly.”

When we think about ruptures and conflicts in relationships, or even friendships or working relationships that just aren’t super solid, most of us can’t point to one single event that led to their demise. But we may be aware that one day, we wake up feeling isolated from that person, and unsure of how to bridge the divide. Gradually we talk less and less, or less kindly to one another, and then suddenly, there is conflict or division or separation.

This can easily happen to our relationship with God. Most of us don’t decide to stop connecting with God, to stop praying, or worshipping, or participating in small groups or Bible studies. But gradually, over time, we might let something lapse, or slide off our priority list.

Slowly, gradually, we fall out of conversation with God. And suddenly, we find ourselves feeling far from God, disconnected and out of relationship.

Restoring relationships with our friends, family, and co-workers starts with restoring conversations. Taking the time to name conflicts, being authentic about our struggles, allowing time for silence, listening when we feel like talking, and building trust.

The same follows for God.
A lot of times I think it might be easier if we could just have the luxury that some of the Biblical figures in the Old Testament had: direct, verbal commands from God about what next steps to take. There have been plenty of times when I could have used a burning bush like Moses.

But just because we might not hear the audible voice of God on a regular occasion does not mean that we cannot converse with God.

Think about your best relationships with people. Sure, good and frequent verbal conversation is probably a huge factor in your connection, but there’s also a great deal of our strong relationships that comes from simply spending time together. Or going through difficult things together, laughing and crying together, showing up for one another day after day.

So, here’s the question:

if the conversation is the relationship, how is your relationship with God?

Are you making time to talk, to listen, to just be in God’s presence?

If you feel like you’re in a place that is distant from God, fear not. God’s presence still remains with you. God still abides. And God is still ready to speak and to listen and to dwell.

Some tips for getting the conversation started, or re-started with God:

1. Set a time of prayer each day (start with 5 minutes). Don’t worry about a specific order of words, simply name the things on your heart and mind.

2. Talk to God out loud while you’re driving, or cooking, or showering, or walking out in nature. It may feel silly, but sometimes I find I need to break out of the same posture of prayer to reconnect.

3. Find a Scripture that brings you joy or comfort and read it through several times. Tell God what you notice.

When we learn to have good and frequent conversations with God, gradually, then suddenly, we find a strengthened relationship with God and assurance that we are indeed not left to our own devices.

With hope,

Chaplain Amy